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Freshman year.
Big changes.
This is when most mental illnesses emerge.
Begin to rage.
Most of the time no one knows what’s happening.
Friends and roommates just know something’s wrong.
Understand the symptoms and behaviors you’re seeing.
Before it’s too late.
Learn what you can.
Be aware.
Help one another.
Read all the links to the left of this post.
Email me if you need help.
For more information check out ULifeline .
I frequently speak to caregiver and support groups, many comprised of the loved ones of someone with a chronic illness. My message is always the same—to be a good caregiver you must first take good care of yourself. (For details, please see yesterday’s post.) I’m confident and comfortable speaking to this subject in this way, because I learned much of what I share through personal experience.
Like most parents, I spent the better part of two decades raising and caring for my children. Filled with joy and laughter, fraught with potholes and pitfalls, and providing all the wonder and glory of family, that experience did not fully prepare me to care for another with a chronic illness.
When parenting a growing, healthy family, we experience a definite beginning and anticipate a foreseeable end. I know. I know. I can hear all my women friends saying, “A mother never stops worrying about her kids…feeling responsible for her kids…taking care of her kids…” But the fact is, in a healthy relationship, we maintain a lifelong connection to our adult children; but we reach a point of understanding the difference between that which is theirs and what little remains ours. When caring for a chronically ill child, or sibling or parent for that matter, the paradigm completely shifts.
Chloe and Michael, the two of my children with bipolar disorder, were healthy and happy and progressing toward all the goals we hope for our kids when, at age 17, they got sick. By that time and age we’d made significant progress together—each of them toward independence, as I anticipated a different stage in life. It was shocking, to say the least, to lose my independence when they again needed my full-time care. I went through a literal period of grieving while coming to terms with our new reality.
Just a few years later, my sweet mom experienced the same process of grief as her mother, my beloved Gram, developed Alzheimer’s.
Initially in denial, we each said similar things.”This can’t be happening.” “This is not going to happen.” “I will fix this.”
When denial no longer served us, anger took its place. “Why me? It’s not fair!” “NO! NO! NO! I won’t accept this!”
As the futility of that approach became apparent, we began bargaining, “I know I can fix this. Just let me figure it out.” “I’ll do anything, just make them well again.”
And then, when it was completely clear that our realities had truly morphed, the sadness and loss enveloped us and depression set in. This was also when the soul-searching began, the refiner’s fire got to work. It’s a painful place to be, but it can be transitory. We can move through it. We can find the beauty and blessings of the next stage.
In the end there is acceptance. We learn that it’s going to be okay. We can live with, even thrive in, circumstances vastly unlike those we thought we required. We can learn a new way of living. We can prepare for what we must do, and we can do it. We can release unfulfilled expectations and embrace what is.
We can be happy again.
It’s estimated that 25 million Americans are primary caregivers for an elderly or chronically ill relative. Most never planned on assuming the role, but circumstances changed their plans. If you are in, or are contemplating, such a role, your success and happiness will directly relate to the awareness you bring to the situation.
Consider these suggestions:
-Identify and do those things that make you feel healthy and well, including social occasions and physical exercise.
-Take advantage of opportunities for respite care and time alone when someone else is in charge at home.
-Before you make the commitment to be a caregiver, prepare for potential lifestyle changes (work schedules, social life, money and resources) and honestly evaluate your readiness.
-Learn all that you can about your loved one’s illness and physical/mental capabilities.
-Read material offered by doctors and ask questions.
-Read books from the library and check out online resources so that you fully understand the details and potential changes in your loved ones health.
-Understand what the future holds before you commit to taking it on.
-You are a member of your loved one’s health care team. Your role is more important than anyone else’s. Speak out on your loved one’s behalf.
-Keep notes and logs of medications, symptoms, behavior changes, sleep and eating habits and cognitive skills. Use it to refresh your memory when speaking with doctors.
-Prepare your loved one’s Personal Health History and take it with you as you accompany him to appointments. Make sure his doctor is aware of what’s on it.
-The ability to make decisions is a basic freedom, so provide choices whenever possible–where to live– which cereals to eat–what to wear.
-Respect your loved one’s right to make decisions about his life, and help him maintain a sense of control and privacy whenever possible.
-Listen to what he has to say, and pay attention to his worries and concerns.
-Provide help on your HIS terms, not yours. Tasks like dressing and bathing are personal and private.
-Encourage your loved one to retain as much control over his life as possible.
-Be understanding. Keep in mind that most people feel frustrated or unfairly burdened at some point.
-If your loved one is still capable of performing certain activities, encourage him to do so.
-Encourage any effort at independence, no matter how small.
-Avoid treating your loved one like a child.
-Take advantage of the help that’s available.
-Your family is your first resource. Let them know what they can and should do.
-Look to your religious community for aid and counsel.
-Attend caregiving support groups, or support groups for specific illnesses like Alzheimer’s, mental illness or heart disease.
-Encourage friends and family to visit and interact whenever they can.
Follow these guidelines to maintain your own health, both physical and mental, while providing loving care to the person in your charge.
Chloe, her doctors and I have noticed a distinct link between her hormones and the shifts and swings of her bipolar disorder. As a teen, she visited an endocrinologist several times to study that link in an effort to better treat her mental illness; and for quite some time she’s keep track of her menstrual cycle within the mood and behavior chart she maintains and discusses with her psychiatrist. Now, medical studies are proving the validity of this practice.
HealthDay News reported this week that the estrogen estradiol, when combined with antipsychotic drugs, may help relieve psychotic symptoms in women with schizophrenia.
An Australian study included 102 women of child-bearing age with schizophrenia. For 28 days, 56 of the women received 100 micrograms of estradiol daily via a skin patch, while the other 46 received a placebo via a skin patch. The women’s psychotic symptoms, including delusions and hallucinatory behavior, were assessed weekly, and those taking estradiol showed a greater improvement in symptoms. The study was published in the August issue of the Archives of General Psychiatry.
Estrogen’s neuroprotective and psychoprotective actions may be mediated by a variety of routes, ranging from rapid actions, including antioxidant effects and enhancement of cerebral blood flow and cerebral glucose utilization, to slower, genomic mechanisms, which may include permanent modification of neural circuits, the study authors wrote.
The study authors said estrogen may have a preventive role in women with schizophrenia who have childbirth- or menopause-related hormonal changes known to cause a deterioration of their condition. “Estrogen treatment is a promising new area for future treatment of schizophrenia and potentially for other severe mental illnesses,” they concluded.
As a menopausal woman, I can attest to the alterations in brain and body function as hormone levels change. It only makes sense to continue to pursue this promising avenue.
Have you any experience with this?
Share!
Sometimes, I am reminded, all clues can lead to a seemingly obvious conclusion, and that conclusion can be quite wrong.
Example:
Signs of depression can include:
If you observed these symptoms in someone about whom you care, you might be alarmed, and your alarm could be warranted.
But hold off on making assumptions…there’s more to consider here.
Each of these stressors can cause a temporary shift in mood or activity that will self-correct in a relatively short time.
If, however, two or more weeks pass and the moods, behaviors, and symptoms persist or worsen, further medical examination may be in order.
And of course, if suicidal ideation, a focus on death, or sense of uselessness or hopelessness combines with the typical symptoms of depression, seek medical attention immediately.
How do you use it? What are your thoughts? Will you tell me your age?
Thanks, all!
KATE
Whether your illness involves treatment by an internist, a gynecologist, a urologist, a psychiatrist…or any other medical practitioner, you are guaranteed the same basic patient rights.
Unfortunately, this fact is often forgotten when discussing and determining treatment for mental illness.
Unless a court-ordered medical power of attorney or conservatorship is in place, you ultimately make your own medical decisions and are guaranteed certain basic rights.
Do You Know Your Rights?
Below is a list summarizing patient rights as described by the Depression Bipolar Support Alliance.
You have the right to:
Wellness requires you to take good care of yourself, follow your treatment plan, and to seek additional help when things aren’t going well. This includes knowing your rights, respecting yourself and your potential for wellness and respecting the rights of your caregivers. It also includes receiving the respect that your deserve from those same people.
Blessings and Wellness!
Kate
This week I spent several hours on the phone with two mothers whose daughters need inpatient placement and care. Both young women are dealing with substance abuse issues, anxiety, depression and possible bipolar disorder. Both are beautiful, vibrant, intelligent and vital, and will serve the world in amazing ways when they are well.
But right now, they are not well.
And so the questions arise:
When is hospitalization the right move?
When is long term inpatient treatment the best approach?
The answer:
When safety, recovery and prolonged wellness cannot be achieved with a less restrictive approach.
Both of my children diagnosed with bipolar disorder experienced numerous hospital stays. Michael, my son, also spent what amounts to nearly two years, cumulatively, in long term residential treatment programs. Because of these extreme interventions, both Chloe and Michael are alive and well today. Time spent in safe, medically supervised environments kept them from self-harm and, in Michael’s case, substance abuse. It also allowed their medical teams near-constant access to monitor and adjust their protocol for quality care. In the end, time in treatment reduced their recovery times significantly and imbued them with tools and skills they would not have learned in a less-restrictive environment.
Of course, I vividly recall and viscerally remember each time the decision for inpatient treatment was made. Each was literally gut-wrenching, heart-breaking, and required serious soul-searching. But each time my children were better off in the end, and I’m grateful for the medical personnel who encouraged and supported us when the moves were necessary.
A hospital stay might be necessary if…
Prissy?
Pissy?
Pass.
I am passionate.
I Am Passion.
Some think I spoon pablum.
Fools.
Learn More from Jane Devin.
You’ve got a child with a mental health diagnosis who’s ready to start the new school year.
What do you say and to whom do you say it?
I found some pointers from James Waxmonsky, MD, and have elaborated on them here: