You think your child, or someone you care about, has an eating disorder.

Now What?

If you’re worried about your child’s eating behaviors or attitudes, it’s important to express your concerns in a loving and supportive way. It is also necessary to discuss your worries early on, rather than waiting until your child has endured many of the damaging physical and emotional effects of eating disorders.

It’s Time to Talk

In a private and relaxed setting, talk  in a calm and caring way about the specific things you have seen or felt that have caused you to worry.

What to Say - Step by Step

Set a time to talk. Set aside a time for a private, respectful meeting to discuss your concerns openly and honestly in a caring, supportive way. Make sure you will be some place away from other distractions.

Communicate your concerns. Share your memories of specific times when you felt concerned about your child’s eating or exercise behaviors. Explain that you think these things may indicate that there could be a problem that needs professional attention.

Ask your child to explore these concerns with a counselor, doctor, nutritionist, or other health professional who is knowledgeable about eating issues. Tell your child you will make an appointment and go along on the visit.

Avoid conflicts or a battle of the wills. If your child refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem, or any reason for you to be concerned, restate your feelings and the reasons for them and leave yourself open and available as a supportive listener.

Avoid placing shame, blame, or guilt on your child regarding their actions or attitudes. Don’t use accusatory “you” statements like, “You just need to eat.” Or, “You are acting irresponsibly.” Instead, use “I” statements like, “I’m concerned about you because you refuse to eat breakfast or lunch.” Or, “It makes me afraid to hear you vomiting.”

Avoid giving simple solutions. For example, “If you’d just stop, then everything would be fine!”

Express your continued support. Remind your child that you love him and want him to be healthy and happy.

Make an appointment with a doctor. Click here for a list of providers in your area.

Write down your observations and concerns to share with the doctor.

Accompany your child to the doctor.

Follow through with the treatment plan.

What you can expect. How eating disorders are treated.

Adapted from the National Institute of Mental Health

Anorexia nervosa - The first goal for the treatment of anorexia is to ensure the person’s physical health, which involves restoring a healthy weight (NIMH, 2002). Reaching this goal may require hospitalization. Once a person’s physical condition is stable, treatment usually involves individual psychotherapy and family therapy during which parents help their child learn to eat again and maintain healthy eating habits on his or her own. Behavioral therapy also has been effective for helping a person return to healthy eating habits. Supportive group therapy may follow, and self-help groups within communities may provide ongoing support.

Bulimia - Unless malnutrition is severe, any substance abuse problems that may be present at the time the eating disorder is diagnosed are usually treated first. The next goal of treatment is to reduce or eliminate the person’s binge eating and purging behavior (NIMH, 2002). Behavioral therapy has proven effective in achieving this goal. Psychotherapy has proven effective in helping to prevent the eating disorder from recurring and in addressing issues that led to the disorder. Studies have also found that Prozac, an antidepressant, may help people who do not respond to psychotherapy (APA, 2002). As with anorexia, family therapy is also recommended.

Binge-eating disorder - The goals and strategies for treating binge-eating disorder are similar to those for bulimia. Binge-eating disorder was recognized only recently as an eating disorder, and research is under way to study the effectiveness of different interventions (NIMH, 2002).

REMEMBER!!

All eating disorders require treatment. Earlier treatment results in a higher success rate. Act now.

Imagine a woman…

A woman who believes her body is enough, just as it is.

Who celebrates her body and its rhythms and cycles as an exquisite resource.

…A woman who celebrates the accumulation of her years and her wisdom.

Who refuses to use precious energy disguising the changes in her body and life.

~Patricia Lynn Reilly

Imagine…

Sounds like something we should all aspire to, but let’s face it, most of us do think about and work on changing the shape of our bodies…

…or worry about the changing shape of our bodies.

It’s part of the universal mindset. We’re socialized to believe that fat is an indication of weakness or a lack of self-control, and that if we really have it all together, we dictate our body size and shape. A large part of our sense of worth or esteem is entangled with our own perceptions of our bodies. Since body esteem and self esteem are closely linked, feelings of inadequacy about our bodies can, and often do, interfere with relationships and distort our sense of self. This is the culture in which we live.

Here’s the truth:

Nobody plans to be controlled by an eating disorder.

It begins as a way to cope with complicated, negative situations that feel out of control.

And then the eating disorder takes on an identity of its own.

It grows out of control.

How do we overcome it?

Identify fat-oppressive attitudes and challenge them. Internalized fat-oppressive attitudes act as a constant negative evaluation of ourselves and others. Bias and prejudice against overweight people is acceptable, even among people who work to eliminate other types of bigotry and oppression. Our culture accepts fat-0oppression because we believe fat is always unhealthy and that it’s unattractive. The truth of the matter is, the human body requires a certain amount of fat to function properly.

Stop criticizing yourself in the mirror. Your amazing body enables you to accomplish all that you do on this planet. Without it, you wouldn’t be here, at least not in this realm. Learn to treat your body with the respect and love it deserves.

Refuse to accept criticism from anyone about your body. Tell friends and family that body criticism is unacceptable. The topic is not open for discussion since these kinds of conversations usually have negative effects on self esteem. They damage and distort perceptions of others and self.

Choose healthy foods and find your own, natural metabolic set point. Strict calorie limitations trigger a drastic slow-down in metabolic processes which actually decreases lean muscle mass and increases fat stores. This then prompts cravings for high caloric foods. All of this is going on in your brain and chemistry. You just feel the urge to eat the wrong things, so eventually strict or perpetual dieting leads to weight gain and binge eating as your body defends its own natural set point.

Read something other than the popular media. AVOID the tabloid magazines. They’re filled with photographs of celebrities who are waging their own body image wars.

Have a look at these titles:

As we work toward changing this cultural standard, some of us are already ensnared in the eating disorder trap. If you are, get help. If you’re heading down that path, here are some helpful pointers:

What Can You Do when you’re tempted to binge, purge or starve?

~Ask yourself , “What am I feeling?” “What isn’t working?” “What do I need that I’m not getting?”

~ Call a friend who knows about your problem and have him/her just listen

~ Begin an enjoyable task or project immediately after eating a meal

~ Learn some new behaviors and activities for the mid afternoon and early evening hours

~ Get enough rest and expand positive relationships

~ Leave the binge environment, especially when you feel frustrated, under pressure, stressed, or bored

~ Take deep breaths, close your eyes, picture yourself in a field or on a beach or wherever you prefer

~ Consciously relax– Turn on quiet music, exercise, do yoga, meditate

~ Allow yourself to not be perfect. Forgive yourself for errors

For more support guidelines, visit the National Eating Disorders Association website.

How did we get here?

“Eating disorders are complex conditions that can arise from a variety of potential causes. Once started, however, they can create a self-perpetuating cycle of physical and emotional destruction…”

-The National Eating Disorders Association

These are the Facts:

Americans spend over $40 billion a year on weight reduction services and products

Every day, nearly half of American women are on a diet

Every day, 25% of American men are on a diet

50% of 9 and 10-year-old girls claim to feel better about themselves when on a diet

35% of “normal dieters” become pathological dieters. 25% of those develop eating disorders

Age at Onset of Eating Disorders:

•86% report onset of illness by the age of 20
•10% report 10 years or younger
•33% report between ages of 11-15
•43% report between ages of 16-20

Eating Disorders affect large groups of people throughout the United States

5-10 million girls and women have eating disorders
1 Million boys and men have eating disorders
The number of people with eating disorders is three times the number of people with AIDS (664,921 people are living with AIDS)
Eating disorders affect as many people as does schizophrenia  (2.2 million people are living with schizophrenia)

With so many unrealistic images in the media, we fail to appreciate what is normal

*The average American woman is 5′4″ tall and weighs 140 pounds
*The average American model is 5′11″ tall and weighs 117 pounds
*Most fashion models are thinner than 98% of American women
*Almost half of first through third graders want to be thinner
*4 out of 5 ten year olds are afraid of being fat
*4 out of 5 American women dislike their physical form

* SOURCE: Mental Health Matters

Need more information about eating disorders? Click here to see yesterday’s post!

According to the National Institute of Mental Health an estimated 0.5 percent to 3.7 percent of females suffer from anorexia, and an estimated 1.1 percent to 4.2 percent suffer from bulimia, and between 2 percent and 5 percent of Americans experience binge-eating disorder. Among females ages 15-24 with eating disorders, the mortality rate is 12 times higher than the annual death rate due to all causes of death in the general population.

In addition to the radically high death rate, eating patterns of people with these disorders cause serious medical complications including those listed here:

Acid Reflux Disorders
Amenorrhea - Loss of Menstrual Cycle
Arthritis
Bad Circulation
Cancer-Throat, Esophogus
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
Cramps, Bloating, Constipation, Diarrhea,
Dehydration
Dental Problems, Decalcification of teeth, Erosion of Tooth Enamel, Severe Decay, Gum Disease
Depression
Digestive Difficulties
Disruptions in Blood Sugar Levels
Dry Skin and Hair, Brittle Hair and Nails, Hair Loss
Easily Bruising Skin
Edema
Electrolyte Imbalances
Gastric Rupture
Gastrointestinal Bleeding
Heart Arrhythmias
High Blood Pressure
Hormone Imbalances/Deficiencies
Hyponatremia
Impaired Neuromuscular Function
Incontinence
Infertility
Insomnia
Kidney Infection and Failure
Lanugo
Liver Failure
Low Blood Pressure/Hypotension
Low Platelet Count
Lowered body temperature
Malnutrition
Muscle Atrophy
Osteoporosis
Pancreatitis
Peptic Ulcers
Seizures
Swelling in Face and Cheeks (following self-induced vomiting)
Tearing of Esophagus
Transient (or temporary) Paralysis
Vitamin and Mineral Deficiencies
Weakness and Fatigue

As stated in publications from the National Eating Disorders Association, eating disorders arise from a variety of causes, including social pressure, emotional imbalance, lack of self-esteem and body chemistry. In fact, scientists continue to research biochemical and biological causes of eating disorders, and have identified imbalances in chemicals that control hunger, appetite, and digestion in the brains of some patients with eating disorders. The meaning of these imbalances continues to be studied.

Regardless of the underlying cause, once started eating disorders create a self-perpetuating cycle of physical and emotional destruction. All eating disorders require professional help.

The information below will help you to determine if you or someone you know has an eating disorder. Because of the serious health consequences and difficulties in treatment, early recognition and treatment improve chances for full recovery.

Anorexia Nervosa

Anorexia is a pattern of self-imposed starvation. The causes may be psychological, biological or social, but food itself is not the cause. Early detection and treatment are necessary to prevent permanent damage to the heart, reproductive organs, and other internal organs.It can be recognized by the following behavioral, emotional and physical symptoms:

Behavioral

Preoccupation with food and dieting
Excessive physical activity with the goal of burning calories
Withdrawal from friends and family because of focus on weight loss
Overuse of laxatives to lose weight
Refusal to maintain body weight at or above a minimally normal weight
Intense fear of weight gain or being “fat”
Feeling “fat” or overweight despite dramatic weight loss

Emotional

Lack of self esteem
Depression
Thoughts about suicide
Denial of an underweight condition
Desire to still lose more weight

Physical

Extreme weight loss
Absence of menstruation
Cavities and gum disease
Extreme sensitivity to cold
Hair, nail and skin problems

Bulimia

Bulimia is characterized by a secretive cycle of eating large amounts of food–more than most people would eat in one meal–in short periods of time, then getting rid of the food and calories through vomiting, laxative abuse, or over-exercising. Some of the same symptoms are present as with anorexia, and many anoretics add symptoms of bulimia as an alternative way of controlling weight. In addition to those listed above, symptoms include :

Purchase of large quantities of food
Repeated episodes of binging and purging
Feeling out of control during a binge
Eating beyond the point of comfortable fullness
Self-induced vomiting
Abuse of laxatives, diet pills and diuretics
Excessive exercise
Fasting
Frequent dieting
Extreme concern with body shape
Secretive behavior regarding eating habits
Weight fluctuations
Depression
Denial of the problem
Fear of discovery
Problem with alcohol and drugs

Binge Eating Disorder (also known as Compulsive Overeating)

Binge eating is characterized by periods of uncontrolled, impulsive, or continuous eating beyond the point of feeling comfortably full. While there is no purging, there may be sporadic fasts or repetitive diets and often feelings of shame or self-hatred after a binge. People who overeat compulsively may struggle with anxiety, depression, and loneliness, which can contribute to their unhealthy episodes of binge eating. Body weight may vary from normal to mild, moderate, or severe obesity.

If any of these descriptions fit you or someone you know, seek professional help. For more information, click on the following links:

National Eating Disorders Association

National Institute of Mental Health

Ana Death

I’ve been quite frank about my family’s experiences as my son struggles with addiction and sobriety. (Of course, this is easier for me than for many because I’m a writer who works under a nom de plume. Many people know my personal identity, but the world at large does not connect all of my family members to our story.)

Because of my openness, I get a lot of phone calls, emails and messages that contain the personal stories of other families with similar challenges. This networking makes all of us feel better — less alone, less guilty, less sad.

By sharing information with one another we are empowered. We learn to take control of our own actions and onuses, and to release our hold on issues and behaviors that are not ours. We disable the enablers within, a key component to personal recovery and maintenance of relationships. We become well.

By talking about mental illness and addiction and the resulting family dynamics, we shed light on these previously shunned and hidden illnesses. We remove the stigma and disseminate facts and solutions. In the long run, the people we love, and society as a whole, will benefit from these sometimes pioneering actions.

If you are silently, secretly struggling with addiction or someone whose behaviors seem addict-like, know that you are not alone. There is help and support. There is not shame. Walk tall. Take advantage.

One good place to start is DRUGFREE.ORG

This online resource sponsored by The Partnership For A Drug Free America provides information, support and resources for teens, parents, users and abusers, teachers and concerned community leaders.

Check it out!

And contact me.

I am here.

Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning.

This simple, easy-to-enact lifestyle change can greatly reduce stress. By giving yourself fifteen extra minutes before you… head out the door, go wake the kids, start answering emails and phones…you are giving yourself the gift of time.

You’ll not be rushed as you go down the checklist to ensure that all is done.

You’ll have a few quiet minutes to meditate or pray or breathe deeply.

You’ll have time to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee.

You’ll have a few moments to watch the sun rise or the clouds roll by.

Fifteen minutes less sleep.

Fifteen minutes for you.

Try it.

This is the first in a weekly series of posts that will elaborate on 52 proven stress relievers identified by researchers at Texas Woman’s University.

Your email:

 

I have three children. Two were diagnosed with bipolar disorder when they were seventeen. One of those two is, like a large percentage of people with a serious mental illness, an addict.

My husband and I have supported, sponsored, paid for, participated with and encouraged our son in nearly every type of rehab program available. He continues to make progress, but continues to relapse, too.

Years ago, every relapse seemed devastating. Now, while disappointed, I don’t fall apart. I express my concern and dismay, I stick to my standards, rules and requirements; and I continue to love him completely. He is an addict. I am not. I cannot fix this. I am not responsible for it. There is no blame.

I wish for nothing more than I wish for my son’s sobriety. He truly wants a life free of addiction and all that accompanies that path, that choice. The sad truth is, once addicted to opiates, the challenge to be free of the addiction is monumental and omnipresent. If there was a wand, I would wave it. But there isn’t.

So I do what I’ve counseled many other parents to do: I love him, unconditionally, freely, completely. Long ago I released the notion that I had the right to judge him (or anyone else). When he’s not doing well, I feel sad for him and pray for better days. But I never withhold love and support.

I never want him to feel alone in the world.

I will always love him.

He is my son.

He is my beautiful son.