Acceptance

~A Poem~

She denied when first informed.

When she heard the girl was sick and always would be.

“Not my daughter.”

“She’s brilliant. We prize that.”

~

She raged as illness unfolded.

Living the day-in, the day-out, fearing dreams would never come about.

“This is not our life!”

She had such plans. She cherished them. She clung.

~

She trembled when the crazy bubbled up.

When her fear, fueled by helplessness, boiled on over with it.

She’d always had control.

That’s how she lived.  She controlled.

~

She prayed when hope refused to settle in.

When getting through a day sans crisis was success.

“God can do miracles.”

“We need one. I’ll do whatever it takes.” She begged.

~

She mourned as miracles failed to manifest.

When she knew the girl was sick and always would be.

When she knew that her mind was truly ill.

She, they, so prized it.

…time…

She loved when they spent time together.

When the girl chose to live and she chose to live beside her.

When she knew their plans had changed, but that the change was right and good.

They would move on. They would be well.

~

And now.

They rejoice.

She is ill, but lives, stays, well.

Lives, loves, learns. Well.

And ~ blessed be ~ brilliance, bravery, beauty ~ accompany.

They, too, are here to stay.

How to Live a Long, Happy Life

* Be very outgoing.

* Learn how to manage stress.

These two common traits were found in the children of people who lived to 100, and longevity runs in families.

“We have observed that these appear to be really important traits that set the children of centenarians apart from other people the same age who may not age as well,” said Dr. Thomas Perls, director of the New England Centenarian Study at the Boston University School of Medicine. The study focuses on older people and their family members, and has tracked the health of children of centenarians as they age, trying to uncover the common denominators of longevity.

Perls and his colleagues looked at 246 children of those who lived to 100 to see if they, now about age 75, had common personality traits. Five personality traits were identified, evaluated and compared to published norms. They were: Neuroticism, extroversion, openness, agreeableness and conscientiousness.

The researchers found that the offspring of centenarians were more extroverted than the published norms. That means “they are quite social, establish important friendships and view these friendships as ’safety nets,’ ” important sources of help when needed, Perls said.

Those studied scored lower than the norms on neuroticism, which enables them to manage stress very well.

Women in the study also scored high in agreeableness, a trait that leads to more friendships. The men in the study scored no higher in agreeableness than normal, and men and women scored average levels for openness and conscientiousness.

As for the exact relationship between personality and longevity, “we are relying on scientific literature to understand exactly what it means,” Perls said. For instance, he said, it makes sense that scoring lower in neuroticism — and handling stress well — would contribute to a longer life, because stress has been shown in scientific studies to be a risk factor for cardiovascular disease. Other research has found social ties to be important to an older person’s health.

“We really found that the offspring of centenarians, in their 70s and early 80s, are very much following in the footsteps of their parents,” Perls said. “They have 60 percent reduced rates of heart disease, stroke and diabetes.”

But what to do if you aren’t naturally outgoing and aren’t good at handling stress?

You can get better at each.

Not naturally outgoing?

Make a point of trying to be more outgoing. Travel more, engage others in conversations, join groups with common interests, volunteer.

You don’t handle stress well?

Read all of the stress management posts on this and other sites, and figure out what will work for you—then DO IT!

And take the Life Expectancy Calculator at Living to 100.

You may learn some new tricks to improve your quality of life.

*More on this topic can be found online in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society.

My beautiful son Michael has his own beautiful son.

After years of struggling with addiction and bipolar disorder, Michael has spent months working hard at sobriety and medical compliance. He’s in school, working and dedicating himself to his young family.

I share this to encourage you.

If you or someone you love deals with a serious mental illness, addiction or both, take heart, have faith and maintain hope. Michael was terribly ill for nearly 7 years. His dad and I were repeatedly told to “let it go” and “give it up.” We didn’t. We’re glad.

I’m not telling you to tolerate the intolerable, but I am urging you to maintain relationships, continue to love, and offer help and support when it’s solicited.

The rewards are SO worth the challenge.

And if you ever need to share your story or vent your feelings, I’m just a click away.

Lovingly,

Kathy Larson, author and illustrator of “Dancing Crazy,” generously agreed to an interview about this recently published children’s book aimed at helping kids understand bipolar disorder. Here is an excerpt from that exchange:

What motivated or inspired you to write “Dancing Crazy?”

I really had no choice.  Our daughter experienced the most challenging event in the course of her disease.  Doctors feared she was moving into a permanent catatonic state; we feared she was dying.  After spending three months in a secured setting, Susan was released from the hospital.  The world immediately became a different place-for her and her husband, their children, all of us, really.  Each of us helped as best we could-praying, baby-sitting, cooking meals and doing the laundry, all the while seeking reassurance in words we could understand.  There were many excellent books on the market for adults, but none for little ones.  So I wrote one.

Please share your personal experiences with serious mental illness.

Although never diagnosed with depression, my mother spent long hours staring out a window or napping on the couch.  As children, we figured she was just worn out from raising the five of us.  Now, as adults, we wonder how Mom even survived with such responsibility and little support.

Over the years, many of my students have suffered physical or emotional abuse from mentally ill family members.  Others continue to live with the results of parents or siblings who have either attempted suicide or been successful.  I think of one little fifth grader who stopped coming to school after excerpts from her father’s trial were detailed in the local newspaper.  She was positive everyone would figure out she was the person he’d raped and “stare at her”.

On a personal level, several members of my family take medication for anxiety or depression; and a few more probably should. Looking at the myriad of mental illnesses-from schizophrenia to borderline personality disorder to just plain naughty-we’ve got it all somewhere.

What do you hope to accomplish by publishing “Dancing Crazy?”

“Dancing Crazy” will reduce the fears of many children as they deal with Bipolar Disease.  Kids’ worries are so much the same.    Did I make my parent act this way?  Can someone “catch” bipolar?  What’s going to happen to me or my family tomorrow or the next day or the next?

What do you want people, especially children, to know about bipolar disorder?

Bipolar Disorder is a disease caused by a chemical imbalance in somebody’s brain. Your mom or dad did not get it because they work too hard.  Nor did they get it because they have too much fun.  The truth is everyone in your family will still have good days and not-so-good days, just like they did before someone got diagnosed with bipolar disease.

To learn more about Ms. Larson’s book, or to order it for yourself, click here. And if you know of other books about mental illness written specifically for children, please contact me.

Fondly,

Few of us can imagine being unable to distinguish between thoughts, fears and reality.

Few can fathom hearing voices or seeing people and things that simply don’t exist.

Even fewer can relate to perpetual noise coming from within.

But these are facts of daily life for the millions of Americans diagnosed with schizophrenia.

As the blockbuster film starring Robert Downey Jr and Jamie Foxx as “The Soloist” opens in theaters across the country, media outlets are offering rare and much needed coverage and insight into the realities of living with schizophrenia. One excellent article written by CNN’s Madison Park is excerpted below.

“The intrusive voices popped into William “Bill” Garrett’s head. “They’re coming for you,” the voices told the 18-year-old. “Find somewhere to hide; they’re going to get you.”
In the film, “The Soloist,” Lisa Gay Hamilton and Jamie Foxx play Jennifer Ayers-Moore and Nathaniel Ayers.
3 of 3 They told the Johns Hopkins University freshman that his father had poisoned the family dog, his sister had injected crystal methamphetamine into his pet lizard and his grandmother had put human body parts into his food.

As schizophrenia took hold, the Maryland teenager became lost within his own mind and had to leave college after winning a full, four-year scholarship.”

Read the entire CNN story here.

I hope you’ll read Park’s article and send the link to others in your circle.

If you haven’t seen “The Soloist” see it soon. Tell your friends, take your neighbors. The elimination of stigma and discrimination begins with enlightenment. Let’s shine the light.

Children whose parents suffer with serious mental illness have very few resources to help them understand and cope. Now, thanks to educator and author Kathleen Larson, they have one more. Larson, who spent 35 years as an elementary school teacher, has penned and illustrated a book explaining, in the simplest terms, a mother’s mental illness.

“Dancing Crazy” tells the story of three children and their mom’s symptoms and hospitalization. Without fear or stigma, Larson illuminates the realities of managing a serious mental illness within a family.

The children learn the basics of a chemical imbalance and how they can help their mom stay well as other loving adults in their extended family care for them.

Larson does not sugar-coat, nor does she dramatize. “Dancing Crazy” is a wonderful starting point to help kids understand adult mental illness.

A valuable resource to parents, doctors and therapists, “Dancing Crazy” should be included in the library of anyone working with children affected by mental illness, as well as every elementary school’s collection.

Here are a few simple ways to prevent brain diseases like Alzheimer’s and dementia:

1. Stay Mentally Active

Mental decline as we age is caused by degrading connections between brain cells; and research has proven that keeping the brain active increases its vitality, builds reserve brain cells and connections, and even generates new brain cells.

Some suggested activities:

• Be a lifelong learner. Take classes, learn new skills and expand on current knowlegde.
• Read, write, do crossword puzzles, jumbles and word games.
• Attend musical events, lectures and theatrical presentations.
• Play board games and card games.
• Garden.
• Walk outdoors every single day.

2. Remain Socially Active

People regularly engaged in social activities retain greater brain vitality, especially if those activities combine both physical and mental activity. Sports, cultural activities, emotional support and close personal relationships together appear to have a protective effect against dementia.

A recent study of 800 men and women aged 75 and older, proved that those who were more physically active, more mentally active or more socially engaged had a lower risk for developing dementia. Those who combined these activities did even better.

Stay socially connected and physically active to stimulate your mind and body:

• Continue to be involved in your life’s work.
• Volunteer in community groups  or for charitable organizations
• Join special interest clubs or other social groups
• Travel

3. Participate in Physical Activity

Physical exercise is the most important factor in maintaining good blood flow to the brain and encouraging new brain cells. It also prohibits heart attack, stroke and diabetes, and thereby protect against those risk factors for Alzheimer’s. In addition, aerobic exercise improves oxygen flow and general brain function and reduces brain cell loss.

Try these activities for 30 minutes a day to improve your physical and mental health:

• Bicycling
• Circuit Training
• Gardening
• Pilates
• Swimming
• Tai chi
• Walking
• Water Aerobics
• Yoga

4. Consume brain and heart healthy foods.

All of us benefit from wise-eating, but those with a family history of Alzheimer’s should be particularly careful to maintain a healthy weight, reduce consumption of foods high in fat and cholesterol,  and eat more protective foods.

Foods that reduce the risk of heart disease and stroke, and protect brain cells:

FRUIT

Blackberries
Blueberries
Cherries
Oranges
Plums
Prunes
Raisins
Raspberries
Red Grapes
Strawberries

NUTS

Almonds
Pecans
Walnuts

VEGETABLES

Alfalfa sprouts
Beets
Broccoli
Brussels sprouts
Chard
Corn
Eggplant
Kale
Onion
Red bell pepper
Spinach

FATTY, COLD-WATER FISH

Halibut
Mackerel
Salmon
Sardines
Trout
Tuna

Even with a family history of Alzheimer’s disease, adherence to these guidelines, coupled with advances in medical treatments, could lead to an Alzheimer’s-free future.

The following is reprinted from The Alzheimer’s Association educational materials

Alzheimer’s disease is a progressive neurological disorder that leads to personality changes, memory loss, intellectual slowing, and other Alzheimer’s symptoms. Although each person with Alzheimer’s is different, most progress through a series of stages, each of which is characterized by more serious Alzheimer’s symptoms.

The following seven stages were developed by researchers and physicians to describe how you or your loved one will change over time. Your doctor might collapse the seven stages into early/middle/late or mild/moderate/severe, so these classifications are provided as well.

Stage 1 (Absence of Impairment)
There are no problems with memory, orientation, judgment, communication, or daily activities. You or your loved one is a normally functioning adult.

Stage 2 (Minimal Impairment)
You or your loved one might be experiencing some lapses in memory or other cognitive problems, but neither family nor friends are able to detect any changes. A medical exam would not reveal any problems either.

Stage 3 (Noticeable Cognitive Decline)
Family members and friends recognize mild changes in memory, communication patterns, or behavior. A visit to the doctor might result in a diagnosis of early-stage or mild Alzheimer’s disease, but not always. Common symptoms in this stage include:

• Problems producing people’s names or the right words for objects
• Noticeable difficulty functioning in employment or social settings
• Forgetting material that has just been read
• Misplacing important objects with increasing frequency
• Decrease in planning or organizational skills

Stage 4 (Early-Stage/Mild Alzheimer’s)
Cognitive decline is more evident. You or your loved one may become more forgetful of recent events or personal details. Other problems include impaired mathematical ability (for instance, difficulty counting backwards from 100 by 9s), a diminished ability to carry out complex tasks like throwing a party or managing finances, moodiness, and social withdrawal.

Stage 5 (Middle-Stage/Moderate Alzheimer’s)
Some assistance with daily tasks is required. Problems with memory and thinking are quite noticeable, including symptoms such as:

• An inability to recall one’s own contact information or key details about one’s history
• Disorientation to time and/or place
• Decreased judgment and skills in regard to personal care

Even though symptoms are worsening, people in this stage usually still know their own name and the names of key family members and can eat and use the bathroom without assistance.

Stage 6 (Moderate to Late-Stage/Severe Alzheimer’s)
This is often the most difficult stage for caregivers because it’s characterized by personality and behavior changes. In addition, memory continues to decline, and assistance is required for most daily activities. The most common symptoms associated with this stage include:

• Reduced awareness of one’s surroundings and of recent events
• Problems recognizing one’s spouse and other close family members, although faces are still distinguished between familiar and unfamiliar
• Sundowning, which is increased restlessness and agitation in the late afternoon and evening
• Difficulty using the bathroom independently
• Bowel and bladder incontinence
• Suspicion
• Repetitive behavior (verbal and/or nonverbal)
• Wandering

Stage 7 (Late-Stage/Severe Alzheimer’s)
In the final stage, it is usually no longer possible to respond to the surrounding environment. You or your loved one may be able to speak words or short phrases, but communication is extremely limited. Basic functions begin to shut down, such as motor coordination and the ability to swallow. Total care is required around the clock.

Although the stages provide a blueprint for the progression of Alzheimer’s symptoms, not everyone advances through the stages similarly. Caregivers report that their loved ones sometimes seem to be in two or more stages at once, and the rate at which people advance through the stages is highly individual. Still, the stages help us understand Alzheimer’s symptoms and prepare for their accompanying challenges.

Learn more about Alzheimer’s at The Alzheimer’s Association.

My grandmother has Alzheimer’s disease, my father died of a brain hemorrhage and my mother suffered several mini-strokes at a relatively young age. Brain function, therefore, is a pretty important topic for me. I want to understand what’s normal and what’s cause for concern.

If you have a family history of Alzheimer’s, or have concerns about cognitive functioning, check out the 10 most common signs and symptoms of Alzheimer’s.

1. Memory loss

It is normal to occasionally forget names, appointments and where you put your keys. Memory loss associated with Alzheimer’s is more than that, and usually begins with an inability to recall recently-learned information. Someone with Alzheimer’s progressively forgets more things more often, and is unable to recall the information later.

2. Difficulty performing familiar tasks

All of us, particularly in times of stress or worry, forget why we came into a room or what we were about to say. People with Alzheimer’s, however, find it hard to plan or complete everyday tasks. They may lose track of the steps to prepare a meal, to place a telephone call or to play a long-enjoyed game.

3. Problems with language

Everybody, at one time or another, is at a loss for words. People suffering from Alzheimer’s forget simple words or substitute unusual words, making their speech and writing hard to understand. They may be unable to find their sweater, for example, and instead ask for “that thing that keeps me warm.”

4. Disorientation to time and place

I often get lost when navigating a new town or following another’s directions. This is not uncommon. People with Alzheimer’s, however, get lost in their own neighborhoods, forget where they are and how they got there, and find themselves unable to get back home.

5. Poor or decreased judgment

People make mistakes. We make choices that turn out to be the wrong ones. For people with with Alzheimer’s, this becomes frequent and differs greatly from their character. One simple example is dressing inappropriately, wearing several layers on a warm day or little clothing in the cold. They may also show poor judgment in more harmful areas, like giving away large sums of money or inviting strangers into their homes.

6. Problems with abstract thinking

Many of us have difficulty with math and some people struggle with complex reasoning problems. These are simply differences in skills and abilities. Someone with Alzheimer’s disease may have unusual difficulty performing complex mental tasks at which they were previously adept. They may also forget simple things, like what numbers are and how they should be used.

7.  Misplacing things

Have you ever lost your keys, or locked them in the car? It happens. It’s a normal part of the human experience. What is not normal is the inability to understanding the appropriate location for things. A person with Alzheimer’s disease will often put things in unusual places: an iron in the freezer,  jewelry in the sugar bowl, milk in the oven.

8.  Changes in mood or behavior

Feeling sad or moody is part of the human experience, but someone with Alzheimer’s disease may show rapid mood swings - from calm to tears to anger - for no apparent reason.

9. Changes in personality

I am grateful that my personality has evolved as I have aged, But the personalities of people with dementia often change dramatically. They may become extremely confused, suspicious, fearful or dependent on a family member. In the later stages of Alzheimer’s, anger, frustration and aggression are common.

10. Loss of initiative

Most of us have felt overwhelmed and overextended at one time or another, wishing we could skip certain activities of commitments. A person with Alzheimer’s disease may completely stop participating in the activities they usually enjoy. He may become passive, avoid social contact, sit in front of the TV for hours, and sleep more than usual.

If you have a family history of Alzheimer’s Disease, or if many of these symptoms describe you or someone you love, get more information and support from The Alzheimer’s Association.