I’ve been quite frank about my family’s experiences as my son struggles with addiction and sobriety. (Of course, this is easier for me than for many because I’m a writer who works under a nom de plume. Many people know my personal identity, but the world at large does not connect all of my family members to our story.)

Because of my openness, I get a lot of phone calls, emails and messages that contain the personal stories of other families with similar challenges. This networking makes all of us feel better — less alone, less guilty, less sad.

By sharing information with one another we are empowered. We learn to take control of our own actions and onuses, and to release our hold on issues and behaviors that are not ours. We disable the enablers within, a key component to personal recovery and maintenance of relationships. We become well.

By talking about mental illness and addiction and the resulting family dynamics, we shed light on these previously shunned and hidden illnesses. We remove the stigma and disseminate facts and solutions. In the long run, the people we love, and society as a whole, will benefit from these sometimes pioneering actions.

If you are silently, secretly struggling with addiction or someone whose behaviors seem addict-like, know that you are not alone. There is help and support. There is not shame. Walk tall. Take advantage.

One good place to start is DRUGFREE.ORG

This online resource sponsored by The Partnership For A Drug Free America provides information, support and resources for teens, parents, users and abusers, teachers and concerned community leaders.

Check it out!

And contact me.

I am here.

We often hear about suicidal college students, but suicide and suicide attempts are growing problems among younger kids as well. High school and middle school children, particularly boys who live in homes with guns, are killing themselves at alarming and increasing rates. Consider the following facts, gleaned from the National Institute of Mental Health, The Jed Foundation and Ulifeline.org:

• Suicide rates for those between the ages of 10-14 increased 99% between 1980 and 1997. This age group has shown a small decline in the past two years. For 2001, the rate is 1.5 per 100,000.

• In the 10 to 14 age group, white youths (ranked 3rd leading cause of death) were far more likely to complete suicide than black youths (ranked 7th leading cause of death). White males between 10 and 14 years of age were three times more likely to complete suicide than females of the same age.

• In 2001, there were 272 suicides in the U.S among children ages 10 to 14.

• Most adolescent suicides occur after school hours and in the teen’s home.

• Within a typical high school classroom, it is likely that three students (one boy and two girls) have made a suicide attempt in the past year.

• The typical profile of an adolescent nonfatal suicide attempter is a female who ingests pills, while the profile of the typical completer suicide is a male who dies from a gunshot wound.

• Not all adolescent attempters admit their intent. Deliberate self-harming behaviors should be considered serious and in need of further evaluation.

• Most adolescent suicide attempts are precipitated by interpersonal conflicts. The intent of the behavior appears to be to effect change in the behaviors or attitudes of others.

• Repeat attempters (those making more than one nonlethal attempt) generally use their behavior as a means of coping with stress and tend to exhibit more chronic symptoms, poor coping histories, and a higher presence of suicide and substance abuse in their families.

• Many teens display one or more of the signs identified below. If observed, seek professional help:

• Presence of a psychiatric or social disorder (depression, drug or alcohol abuse in home, behavior problems, runs away, has been incarcerated)
• The expression/communication of thoughts of suicide, death, dying or the afterlife (in a context of sadness, boredom, hopelessness or negative feelings)
• Impulsive and aggressive behavior; frequent expressions of rage
• Use of alcohol or drugs
• Exposure to another’s suicidal behavior
• Recent severe stressor (difficulty dealing with sexual orientation; unplanned pregnancy, significant real or anticipated loss, family violence, etc.)
• Family instability; significant family conflict

If you encounter a young person whose situation is mirrored in the above facts, act now. Reach out. Offer help. You may save a life.

The holidays. I love ‘em, but not everybody does. Sadly, the incidence of suicide peaks at this time of year, especially among the elderly and the nation’s youth.

Here are the facts:

• Suicide ranks as the third leading cause of death for young people (ages 15-19 and 15-24); only accidents and homicides occur more frequently.

• Whereas suicides account for 1.3% of all deaths in the U.S. annually, they comprise 12.3% of all deaths among 15-24 year olds.

• Each year, there are approximately 10 suicides for every 100,000 youth.

• Approximately 11 young people between the ages of 15-24 die every day by suicide.

• Every 2 hours and 15 minutes, a person under the age of 25 completes suicide.

• Suicide rates among 15-24 year olds have more than doubled in the last 50 years. They have declined 25.6% since 1995.

• In the past 60 years, the suicide rate has quadrupled for boys 15 to 24 years old, and doubled for girls of the same age (CDC, 2002).

• Boys between the ages of 20 and 24 were 6.6 times more likely than girlss to complete suicide 2001. Boyss between 15 and 19 were 4.8 times more likely than girlss to complete suicide (2001 data).

• The boy to girl ratio of completed suicides was 5: 1 among 15-19 year olds and 6.9: 1 among 20-24 year olds (2000 data).

• Firearms are the most commonly used suicide method among kids, regardless of race or gender, accounting for almost three of five (57%) completed suicides.

• Access to and availability of firearms is a significant factor in the increase of youth suicide. Guns in the home are deadly to its occupants!

• For every completed suicide by a child, 100 to 200 attempts are made. In grades 9 through 12, 8.8% of students attempted suicide in the previous 12 months (6.2% male and 12.2% female). These numbers decrease from grades 9 (10.7%) to 12 (5.5%). A prior suicide attempt is an important risk factor for an eventual completion.

Source: U Life Line

I began this website, blog and advocacy journey because I’m a mom. I’m a mom of three, two of whom developed a serious mental illness. As our family tackled the challenges of that reality, we learned a lot. Sure, we learned facts and data and medical minutiae, but we learned a whole lot more about love and tolerance, acceptance and gratitude and joy. Big stuff. Good stuff. Real stuff. We are blessed.

The video below, created by my Twitterfriends, Jyl at Mommy Gossip and Carissa at Good and Crazy People, warmly portrays all of that and more.

Enjoy. (And thank you Jyl and Carrissa).

Susan and Jay Bigelow delighted in their son, and he in them. Their life was normal and joyful and filled with possibility. And then Jesse changed. Read the excerpt below from and article written by Globe and Mail’s Erinn Andersenn. To hear the Bigelow’s tell the story of Jesse’s decline into the abyss of schizophrenia and eventual return, click here.

“On a September evening almost nine years ago, Susan and Jay Bigelow called 911, then sat down to dinner in their Toronto home, waiting for the police to come and take away the stranger at the dining-room table who was once their son.

For 19 years, they had raised a cheerful, outgoing boy named Jesse Bigelow, who had lots of friends, was chased by girls and sang in a rock band called, in an odd foreshadowing, Mental Distortion. Jay had coached his hockey teams and travelled with him to soccer tournaments. Jesse wasn’t the perfect kid: He threw more tantrums than his older sister, Melissa, had. His marks were mediocre. And his parents knew that he smoked pot with his friends. But he was a typical, loud, athletic boy and, even as a teenager, he welcomed a hug from his mom.

Then, slowly, helplessly, they watched Jesse Bigelow vanish, as surely as if he had been kidnapped. They didn’t recognize the shaggy, bearded intruder who now lay like a zombie in the bedroom upstairs and ranted at them about God.

Want to read the rest?

Click here.