I’ve been quite frank about my family’s experiences as my son struggles with addiction and sobriety. (Of course, this is easier for me than for many because I’m a writer who works under a nom de plume. Many people know my personal identity, but the world at large does not connect all of my family members to our story.)

Because of my openness, I get a lot of phone calls, emails and messages that contain the personal stories of other families with similar challenges. This networking makes all of us feel better — less alone, less guilty, less sad.

By sharing information with one another we are empowered. We learn to take control of our own actions and onuses, and to release our hold on issues and behaviors that are not ours. We disable the enablers within, a key component to personal recovery and maintenance of relationships. We become well.

By talking about mental illness and addiction and the resulting family dynamics, we shed light on these previously shunned and hidden illnesses. We remove the stigma and disseminate facts and solutions. In the long run, the people we love, and society as a whole, will benefit from these sometimes pioneering actions.

If you are silently, secretly struggling with addiction or someone whose behaviors seem addict-like, know that you are not alone. There is help and support. There is not shame. Walk tall. Take advantage.

One good place to start is DRUGFREE.ORG

This online resource sponsored by The Partnership For A Drug Free America provides information, support and resources for teens, parents, users and abusers, teachers and concerned community leaders.

Check it out!

And contact me.

I am here.

Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning.

This simple, easy-to-enact lifestyle change can greatly reduce stress. By giving yourself fifteen extra minutes before you… head out the door, go wake the kids, start answering emails and phones…you are giving yourself the gift of time.

You’ll not be rushed as you go down the checklist to ensure that all is done.

You’ll have a few quiet minutes to meditate or pray or breathe deeply.

You’ll have time to enjoy a cup of tea or coffee.

You’ll have a few moments to watch the sun rise or the clouds roll by.

Fifteen minutes less sleep.

Fifteen minutes for you.

Try it.

This is the first in a weekly series of posts that will elaborate on 52 proven stress relievers identified by researchers at Texas Woman’s University.

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In 2009 I want to live optimally.

I want to consciously create an environment, both internal and in the world, that welcomes blessings and reveals the joy that always is. To do that, I must first appreciate the gifts I’ve already received.

One of my life’s greatest gifts is good friends. I spend a fair amount of time with several women whose wisdom, personalities, values and life experiences enrich my own and provide opportunities for me to learn more and live better. One of those wonderful women sent an email that included a paragraph about her practice toward a more blessed life. The following excerpt from that email does two things:

1.- Gives you a glimpse into the amazing creatures that make up my wonderful circle of friends.

2.- Provides you with concrete, easy-to-do activities that create immediate and profound results.

Have a look and see what you think…and then respond or email me with your practices and processes. Share the richness of your lives!

Blessings will come if you cultivate as much stillness as possible.  Reducing the noise levels in your life is a good first step.  Other things you might want to do:  Cut way down on your use of the phone; text-message sparingly; surf the internet 70 percent less than usual; avoid watching TV news altogether.  See if you can enjoy some periods each day by sitting down in a quiet place and watch the wide sky roll by.

Stress and the holidays seem to go hand in hand in both the media and real life. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to create the perfect holiday season and then feel a lot of pressure to recover from the festivities. With that in mind, there’s no better time to share a great list of proven stress reducers that was put together by Texas Woman’s University.

And because we must read, see, hear or experience information a minimum of 17 times before we incorporate it into our lives, I’ll repeat and expound on each item once a week during 2009.

Yep–2009. End of this week! YIKES!

Here’s the list in it’s entirety:

1. Get up fifteen minutes earlier in the morning. The inevitable morning mishaps will be less stressful.
2. Prepare for the morning the evening before. Set the breakfast table, make lunches, put out the clothes you plan to wear, etc.
3. Don’t rely on your memory. Write down appointment times, when to pick up the laundry, when library books are due, etc.
4. Do nothing which, after being done, leads you to tell a lie.
5. Make duplicates of all keys. Bury a house key in a secret spot in the garden and carry a duplicate car key in your wallet, apart from your key ring.
6. Practice preventive maintenance. Your car, appliances, home, and relationships will be less likely to break down/fall apart “at the worst possible moment.”
7. Be prepared to wait. A paperback can make a wait in a post office line almost pleasant.
8. Procrastination is stressful. Whatever you want to do tomorrow, do today; whatever you want to do today, do it now.
9. Plan ahead. Don’t let the gas tank get below one-quarter full; keep a well-stocked “emergency shelf” of home staples; don’t wait until you’re down to your last bus token or postage stamp to buy more; etc.
10. Don’t put up with something that doesn’t work right. If your alarm clock, wallet, shoe laces, windshield wipers - whatever- are a constant aggravation, get them fixed or get new ones.
11. Allow 15 minutes of extra time to get to appointments. Plan to arrive at an airport one hour before domestic departures.
12. Eliminate (or restrict) the amount of caffeine in your diet.
13. Always set up contingency plans, “just in case.” (”If for some reason either of us is delayed, here’s what we’ll do. . .” kind of thing. Or, “If we get split up in the shopping center, here’s where we’ll meet.”)
14. Relax your standards. The world will not end if the grass doesn’t get mowed this weekend.
15. Pollyanna-Power! For every one thing that goes wrong, there are probably 10 or 50 or 100 blessings. Count ‘em!
16. Ask questions. Taking a few moments to repeat back directions, what someone expects of you, etc., can save hours. (The old “the hurrieder I go, the behinder I get,” idea.)
17. Say “No!” Saying “no” to extra projects, social activities, and invitations you know you don’t have the time or energy for takes practice, self-respect, and a belief that everyone, everyday, needs quiet time to relax and be alone.
18. Unplug your phone. Want to take a long bath, meditate, sleep, or read without interruption? Drum up the courage to temporarily disconnect. (The possibility of there being a terrible emergency in the next hour or so is almost nil.) Or use an answering machine.
19. Turn “needs” into preferences. Our basic physical needs translate into food, water, and keeping warm. Everything else is a preference. Don’t get attached to preferences.
20. Simplify, simplify, simplify. . .
21. Make friends with non-worriers. Nothing can get you into the habit of worrying faster than associating with chronic worrywarts.
22. Get up and stretch periodically if your job requires that you sit for extended periods.
23. Wear earplugs. If you need to find quiet at home, pop in some earplugs.
24. Get enough sleep. If necessary, use an alarm clock to remind you to go to bed.
25. Create order out of chaos. Organize your home and workspace so that you always know exactly where things are. Put things away where they belong and you won’t have to go through the stress of losing things.
26. When feeling stressed, most people tend to breathe short, shallow breaths. When you breathe like this, stale air is not expelled, oxidation of the tissues is incomplete, and muscle tension frequently results. Check your breathing throughout the day, and before, during, and after high-pressure situations. If you find your stomach muscles knotted and your breathing is shallow, relax all your muscles and take several deep, slow breaths.
27. Writing your thoughts and feelings down (in a journal, or on paper to be thrown away) can help you clarify things and can give you a renewed perspective
28. Try the following yoga technique whenever you feel the need to relax. Inhale deeply through your nose to the count of eight. Then, with lips puckered, exhale very slowly through your mouth to the count of 16, or for as long as you can. Concentrate on the long sighing sound and feel the tension dissolve. Repeat 10 times.
29. Inoculate yourself against a feared event. Example: before speaking in public, take time to go over every part of the experience in your mind. Imagine what you’ll wear, what the audience will look like, how you will present your talk, what the questions will be and how you will answer them, etc. Visualize the experience the way you would have it be. You’ll likely find that when the time comes to make the actual presentation, it will be “old hat” and much of your anxiety will have fled.
30. When the stress of having to get a job done gets in the way of getting the job done, diversion - a voluntary change in activity and/or environment - may be just what you need.
31. Talk it out. Discussing your problems with a trusted friend can help clear your mind of confusion so you can concentrate on problem solving.
32. One of the most obvious ways to avoid unnecessary stress is to select an environment (work, home, leisure) which is in line with your personal needs and desires. If you hate desk jobs, don’t accept a job which requires that you sit at a desk all day. If you hate to talk politics, don’t associate with people who love to talk politics, etc.
33. Learn to live one day at a time.
34. Every day, do something you really enjoy.
35. Add an ounce of love to everything you do.
36. Take a hot bath or shower (or a cool one in summertime) to relieve tension.
37. Do something for somebody else.
38. Focus on understanding rather than on being understood; on loving rather than on being loved.
39. Do something that will improve your appearance. Looking better can help you feel better.
40. Schedule a realistic day. Avoid the tendency to schedule back-to-back appointments; allow time between appointments for a breathing spell.
41. Become more flexible. Some things are worth not doing perfectly and some issues are fine to compromise upon.
42. Eliminate destructive self-talk: “I’m too old to. . .,” “I’m too fat to. . .,” etc.
43. Use your weekend time for a change of pace. If your work week is slow and patterned, make sure there is action and time for spontaneity built into your weekends. If your work week is fast-paced and full of people and deadlines, seek peace and solitude during your days off. Feel as if you aren’t accomplishing anything at work? Tackle a job on the weekend which you can finish to your satisfaction.
44. “Worry about the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.” That’s another way of saying: take care of the todays as best you can and the yesterdays and the tomorrows will take care of themselves.
45. Do one thing at a time. When you are with someone, be with that person and with no one or nothing else.
46. When you are busy with a project, concentrate on doing that project and forget about everything else you have to do.
47. Allow yourself time - everyday - for privacy, quiet, and introspection.
48. If an especially unpleasant task faces you, do it early in the day and get it over with, then the rest of your day will be free of anxiety.
49. Learn to delegate responsibility to capable others.
50. Don’t forget to take a lunch break. Try to get away from your desk or work area in body and mind, even if it’s just for 15 or 20 minutes.
51. Forget about counting to 10. Count to 1,000 before doing something or saying anything that could make matters worse.
52. Have a forgiving view of events and people. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world. Have an optimistic view of the world.

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Many of my readers wrote to tell me that they could not afford the several hundred dollar light fixtures most doctors recommend for SAD. Worry not! Less expensive, just-as-effective options exist.

Click on the logos and icons below for alternative sites and products:

I’ve also seen full-spectrum bulbs and fixtures at Lowe’s, Home Depot and garden centers, often marketed as grow lights. Check it out. Compare prices. Let the light shine and feel better.